During this pandemic, we have become very aware of our isolation. As human beings we are neuro- biologically wired for connection. We connect immediately at birth with our mother/parents/caregivers/family. These relationships are fundamental in teaching us that we are deserving of love and belonging. It is here where hopefully, you feel understood, where you cultivate that sense of belonging and acceptance; basically - connection.
As we age, with our friends and our romantic relationships, we learn to test, to share, and to receive that sense of connection and belonging with others. At this time, we also add communities to our lives; these include neighborhoods, school, church, groups, clubs and extended family.
Brene Brown, professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, specializes in social connection. In interviews and in TED talks she says “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physical, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick”.
Research shows that social connection can lower anxiety and depression, lead to higher self-esteem and to a higher level of empathy. It helps us regulate our emotions and improves our immune systems. Conversely, research shows that loneliness is much more dangerous to a person’s health than smoking, being overweight or having high blood pressure.
We live in a world where technology seems to connect us even more than ever. Technology has been very helpful in keeping us safe and somewhat connected during this pandemic. However, being connected to our screens also disconnects us from so many other things; from nature, ourselves, and from others. In addition, our connections have nothing to do with the number of friends you hang with, connections on Facebook, or the number of groups to which you belong.
So, what do we do?
We connect with others as much as possible. And, we allow ourselves to ask someone for help when we need it. We learn how to foster a state of mind in which we can generate our own feelings of connection with others.
In essence, making the call to come to a therapy session is asking to connect. I am constantly amazed at how courageous people are in making that initial call. In therapy, it is hoped, that you will eventually allow yourself to be and discover who your truly are; to move past some of your troubles and find connection with others in your life, but especially with yourself.
My hope for each of us, during this pandemic and afterward, is that we can take the time to connect with each other as much as possible. But most of all, find that sense of connection internally; take time to play with your kids and/or pets, take a walk and notice the little things, exercise, listen to music you love, sit in the sun, and make plans for the future!
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